Proverbs 23.6-8
Do not eat the bread of a man who is stingy;[1] do not desire his delicacies, for he is like one who is inwardly calculating.[2] “Eat and drink!” he says to you, but his heart is not with you. You will vomit up the morsels that you have eaten, and waste your pleasant words.[3]
Proverbs 23.6-8
This saying is similar to the sixth saying in that the setting is dining with another person. A stingy—miserly or selfish[4]—man has invited us to dinner. Not only do we decline his invitation, but the sage also instructs us not to “desire his delicacies.” If we do, the outcomes are inevitable and damaging to us, not to him. This line is identical to the first line of verse 3. Whereas we’re warned about becoming intoxicated by the power and wealth of a rich and influential person in the sixth saying, here we’re cautioned about giving compliments and accepting hospitality from a stingy person who lacks sincerity.[5]
His hypocrisy is expressed in the phrase, “his heart is not with you.” Coupled with the words “the bread of a stingy man,” both phrases combine to refer to his ulterior motive[6] of wanting to appear generous when he is actually keen to acquire more wealth[7] and is inwardly annoyed by giving you a simple meal.
“You will vomit up the morsels that you have eaten” is likely an expression for “being revolted when you realize the hypocrisy of the host.”[8] The phrase “waste your pleasant words” indicates that we have been too quick and effusive with our compliments. We have allowed ourselves to be deceived by his pretense of generosity and kindness. We did not exercise good discernment about his character; instead, we were quickly taken in by the false yet attractive persona he presented to us. Because we can never take back a word spoken, we become embarrassed by our own words and behavior when we finally realize he is stingy, not generous. We were gullible, not discerning.
In business, there is a particular etiquette that is needed to build healthy, professional relationships. Good etiquette is built on a foundation of good character. It is the difference between acting and being. For short periods, anyone can behave with good decorum. But outward etiquette will not endure under stress or in unguarded moments unless God transforms our characters. We can’t fake for long being honest, truthful, authentic, reliable, humble, patient, loving, kind, and so forth. Only when we are living under the power of the Holy Spirit will the fruit of the Spirit be displayed in our lives (Galatians 5.22-25). The Spirit’s fruit cannot be imitated long enough to build a positive reputation without the Spirit’s indwelling presence. Without the Spirit’s power active in our lives, we will devolve into immorality, impurity, hatred, discord, anger, selfish ambition, greed, gossip, dissensions, envy, and factions (Galatians 5.19-21). People who inwardly have latter characteristics while trying to behave with the former will be plastic and stingy.
We’ll meet people who attempt to mask their true intentions in their professional relationship with us. These people will be good to us only so they can get something from us. Those in sales should take note. If your primary reason for closing a deal is the commission you’ll earn, then you’re stingy and selfish. The best salespeople are those who develop genuine, authentic relationships grounded in shared interests and needs. They are willing to walk away from a deal if it isn’t the right deal for their customer or themselves.
Miserly, stingy people in sales do things for their customers only to get more from them. They only want more commissions. They are not interested in an ongoing professional relationship with genuine concern for the other party apart from any business transacted.
Such stinginess, however, is a two-way street. If you are in sales, you’ll know there is a place and time to do more for a particular customer. But be wary of taking on new customers who consistently demonstrate they’re most interested in getting more from you than they are willing to pay at market rates. For example, you might encounter a customer who is always asking for a price discount or a unique payment schedule or asking you to throw in additional products or services without paying more. If you get the feeling you’re being used for their selfish purposes, then you’re dealing with someone who is stingy, miserly, greedy. Let them go. You don’t want cheap customers.
Good customers understand that vendors and salespeople need to be profitable and are willing to pay more to help create that profit. It does a customer no good to strike deals that are so thin for their vendors that they wonder why they took the contract in the first place. If there isn’t enough profit, vendors go out of business. Good customers buy more on value, less on price.
Vendors should place the interests of their customers ahead of their own. Customers should look out for the interests of their vendors if they are going to develop a reliable and robust supply chain.
When it comes to wasting compliments, we need to strike a balance here. As part of building strong relationships in business, it is vital to ensure that our compliments are measured, accurate, honest, and genuine. Compliments should be given only when deserved and not delivered too quickly.
Ostentatious compliments flourish in our society. We throw around superlatives without considering what we’re saying. We tell our kids how “amazing” or “awesome” they are for minor achievements. We sometimes confuse compliments with encouragement, failing to understand that compliments are evaluative, whereas encouragement is supportive. We’ve raised a generation that expects to be praised simply for achieving success in ordinary activities.
While I can’t point to chapter and verse, I trust I have the mind of God when I say that our strongest superlatives should be reserved for praising God. It is interesting that in the Bible, only the Lord is described as worthy of praise. I don’t take this to mean that giving praise or compliments to others is sin. That’s a weak argument from silence, and it wouldn’t align with the many examples of compliments given in the Scriptures.
If our life on this earth is preparation for eternity,[9] then learning to give our most substantial praise to God is preparation for praising Him in heaven.[10] So, let’s give compliments when they are due. But let’s reserve our more intense superlatives for the Lord himself since he is the only one worthy of our highest praise.
[1] “of a man who is stingy”: רַ֣ע עָ֑יִן a morally bad eye. Note this is the opposite of a generous person who is described in Proverbs 22.9 as having a good eye, טֽוֹב־עַ֭יִן, “generous” in NIV, LEB, NASB; “bountiful eye” in ESV. Christ echoes this concept of the physical eye representing a man’s character in Matthew 6.22-23, where he contrasts healthy and unhealthy eyes as being full of light (righteousness) or darkness (sin).
[2] “like one who is inwardly calculating”: כְּמוֹ־שָׁעַ֥ר בְּנַפְשׁ֗וֹ, as one who is calculating within his own soul or flesh. שָׁעַ֥ר: “calculating” ESV, HCSB; “inwardly reckoning” RSV; “cost” NIV; “hair in his throat” LEB; “so is he” NASB, KJV. The difference in translations comes from two places. First, the Hebrew word שָׁעַ֥ר appears only twice in the Old Testament – here and in Genesis 26.12, where it is translated “hundredfold.” In this sense, it is a measuring-oriented word. This would fit with the notion of “calculating” or “cost” since thinking about the cost is inherently a measuring activity. However, secondly, the Septuagint (the Greek translation of the Old Testament Hebrew text) translates this Hebrew word with the Greek word for hair, understanding that a hair in one’s throat fits the notion of vomiting. A slight variation on שָׁעַ֥ר would correctly translate as “hair.” Most translations accept the more traditional view of “calculating” or a variation on that theme for technical reasons.
[3] ESV Proverbs 23.6–8
[4] Reyburn, 488.
[5] Ross, 1068.
[6] Lennox, 240.
[7] Waltke, 242.
[8] Wilson, 252.
[9] See English, Chapter 1, The Theological Context of Business Ownership, pp 15–67, for a discussion on how our work on this earth is preparatory for reigning with Christ in heaven.
[10] The book of Revelation is a glimpse into how heaven works. When you read through Revelation, it is difficult to miss the apparent continuation of extraordinary praise to God and the Lamb for what he did in saving those who trust in him. Learning to enjoy praising God on this earth is preparatory for praising him in heaven.
